Greetings all,

Today I come to you with a mystery! A deed most foul has been perpetrated and I aim to uncover the culprit through whatever means I have at my disposal. This includes, of course, a dissemination of relevant information via this electronic teletype feed that I normally use for the distribution of news.

It appears my good work in advancing the field of mashing has garnered me some unwanted attention. Earlier this week, posters disparaging my good name sprung up around the borough of Kelvin Grove. The first poster, a simple black and white affair, appeared on the door to the office beside mine. Below a simple picture of yours truly, it stated, simply, that I was a wanted man, to be hunted down and executed for my crimes against music. Dear readers, you all know this is farthest from the truth, and I consider this slander most vile! The full text of the missive:

WANTED

MITCH “THE MASHER” HAGGMAN

FOR HATE CRIMES AGAINST MUSIC

“RESULTING IN INCITEMENT OF VIOLENT REACTIONS TO HORRIFIC SOUNDS & GENERAL ABUSE OF TECHNOLOGY”

NO REWARD GIVEN!

Obviously, some pack of neo-luddite anarchists has set me in its sights. I should have realized that being a vanguard of new musical expression would have led to some reactionary outcry from the plebes, but I never expected the outrage this early. The spartan design of the poster only further confirms my hypothesis that it is technophobes I’m up against.

The next day, another poster appeared. The photo was in colour this time, and the font had been changed (and centre-justified – a staggeringly innovative leap forward for my opponents), but the inflammatory text remained the same. This time, however, the anti-mash sentiment had spread from my office! Now the posters lined the route I walk from home to my office complex, some three blocks in all and a dozen or so posters on every lamp-pole and telegraph post along the route.

The Evidence

Poster 1

Posted on the door to Z2-106 (the office beside my office) sometime before 08:00 on July 10th, 2007.

Poster 2

Posted around the neighborhood sometime before 08:00 on July 11th.

The Suspects

  • Gabriel, the Coworker

Gabriel and Tim were at work before me on both days, so could have had the time to place the posters. However, Gabriel would design a better poster, and would have known which door to paste it on. I have my doubts of his involvement.

  • Tim, the Other Coworker

Tim’s involvement in this conspiracy is possible, given his arrival time at the office, but unlikely as he has a new kid to look after, and therefore no time for these sorts of shenanigans.

  • Murray, Who Has a Week Off

Murray has this week off work, giving him plenty of time to orchestrate a stunt like this. He has access to our internal staff directory, and access to the office to put the first poster up. However, he wouldn’t have put it on the wrong door, unless it was done on purpose to throw me off. This is the exact kind of Discordian antic I would expect from Murray, though.

  • Dani, the Sister-in-Law

Dani knows where I live, and hates me passionately for showing her an Iggy and the Stooges vs Salt n Pepa mash. She may have coerced another QUT employee to get the photo for her, but being my sister-in-law, one assumes she might have another photo of me around somewhere.

I implore you, my gentle fans, to come forward if you have any information! Together, our might shall overcome the wave of obscurity threatening to erase Viper Pilot from your musical repertoire!

Sincerely,

-Viper Pilot

************************************************************************************************

Today’s music link!

I think that in order to solve this mystery, I’ll need the help of The Men From UNCLE.