Remember the Teletubbies? That crazy post-apocalyptic vision of a simple life under a hill, tended by robot minders? I’ll wager that not one of you has considered that the Teletubbies is – rather than simple visual pablum for toddlers – in fact science fiction of the darkest caliber.

Don’t worry about it though, plenty of others have already done it for you. There is speculation that the Teletubbies are in fact a sample group for a future dystopian society’s public obedience ordinance – the television show being an example to our children of how to obey without question. Sound like Brave New World to anyone?

Others tell of a grim X-Files style conspiracy, where the enslaved Tubbies are failed genetic expirements, destined to serve the government against their will as agents of propganda.

Or, are the Teletubbies remnants of a Nazi alien-hybridizing eugenics program? You may think it sounds somewhat far-fetched to think the simple fuzzy things with cathode ray tubes in their stomachs are actually helping acclimatize our youth to accept the soon-to-be-announced presence of our alien overlords, but as the article warns in its haunting last line: ‘don’t lament when your child becomes an alien-sympathizing, subvocal, homosexual, technocratic Nazi.’

If your stomach is strong, you can view photos of the infamous Teletubby Autopsy on the internet.

The library of Teletubby sci-fi even extends to historical science fiction, as documented by Captain Gibert Bryant-Norris of Lord Hamilton’s Light Dragoons in the Teletubby Uprising of 1883. Consider it a companion piece to The Difference Engine.

The most likely of these grim tales, however, is a rather detailed analysis of the Teletubbies as mutant descendants of government super-soldiers. Engineered to survive the harshest germ, gene, memetic and chemical warfare, the TeleTroopers were eventually the only genus of Homo Sapiens able to survive what world war after world war has done to our planet. The article’s strength is bolstered significantly by its breakdown of the operation of the Teletubbieland underground complex.