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I am putting out an all-forces alert – you are required to shore up fallback positions and move all line forces to rendezvous point alpha for Bootie Brisbane!
We’ve been on a small hiatus, but we’re back on on December 5th. Straight from New York City, DJ Lobsterdust will be joining myself and the other Bootie regulars Guy Davy and VJ Brewski for a night of sheer mashup-fueled insanity. Bootie officially kicks off at 21:00 and runs for six ass-shakingly-good hours. You will shake your tail, oh yes.
Did I mention this particular character was a scientist? Strike-goddamned-two.
Then they start talking about ‘mutated neutrinos‘. Wait, did I miss a fundamental change in the way the known universe works? Do sub-atomic particles now mutate? That’s it, I’m fucking leaving. Screw you and your stupid film, Roland Emmerich.
Okay, so I didn’t leave, and the review isn’t quite so short. That scene above, though, sums up one of the biggest reasons the film sucks. It’s also a pretty good example of the only good thing (other than Woody Harrelson) about the film.
What’s wrong with 2012? You’re going to be presented with ‘ZOMG ONLY 50 FEET UNTIL WE CRASH! ZOMG NOW ONLY 25 FEET UNTIL WE CRASH! ZOMG BRAKES NOT WORKING ONLY 10 FEET UNTIL WE CRASH! ZOMG ONLY 5 FEET UNTIL WE CRASH! OMG OMG OMG OMG whew – only a few inches to spare!’ each and every scene. For two and a half hours. To be fair, sometimes it’s all ‘JEEBUS WE ONLY HAVE 5 MINUTES UNTIL THE EXPLOSION! NOW WE ONLY HAVE 2 MINUTS UNTIL THE EXPLOSION!’ instead, but you get the picture – 2012 is a non-stop sequence of poorly-drafted cliffhangers.
Sometimes, the imagery presented is mind-blowingly awesome to the point where you kind of forget how positively insipid the plot, science, drama and action are. Seriously, they must have had a blast spitballing ideas for the film: “Okay, how about we smash the shit out of the White House – WITH AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER! BAM!”
2012 filled me with seething rage any time the CGI wasn’t working overtime, so only if you want to see some awesome stuff happen should you go see this film; and only then you should go catch it on the big screen. I don’t care how good your home theatre is (seriously, if you end up with 2012 in your blu-ray collection, you are a retard), it’s never going to make this pile of dog vomit worth watching. As much as I hate to see a script this revoltingly poor rewarded with moneys, it sure was pretty.
(Apologies for post title of Victorian-Era natural science paper length; think: A Selection of Thoughts on Pre-Cambrian Rock Formations Found Heretofore in the Patagonian Plateau on my Journeys To-Day.)
Beatallica is a band that sounds like Metallica if they were instead the Beatles. Remember the alternate-universe mega-hits ‘Hey Dude’, ‘Garage Dayz Nite’ (sic) and ‘Blackened in the USSR’? I know I do.
Beatallica – All You Need is Blood
“From the fertile valley of Deer Lick Holler, deep in the heart of Appalachia, comes a sound that is old yet new. In an area completely isolated from outside cultural and musical influence, this band of acoustic musicians grew up playing the traditional music of their forefathers. Then, as fate would have it, one crisp fall afternoon, a stranger passed through the holler. Well, he almost made it through. Unfortunately for him, but fortunately for appreciators of great music worldwide, the stranger crashed his car into a stately old oak tree at Devil’s Elbow Curve. Sadly, the stranger expired, but his legacy lives on. For under the back seat of his car, the boys found some old black vinyl records as they went through his belongings looking for identification. All they had to listen to them on was an old Edison Victrola that only played at 78 R.P.M., but the boys all agreed it was some mighty fine country music. So, in memory of the stranger who had perished the boys set about learning these songs . . . “
Hayseed Dixie – Highway to Hell
(I couldn’t find an official video from their AC/DC era. Sadface.)
The Easy Star All-Stars first album whisks us away to the shores of Jamaica, where we can all recall what it must have sounded like when Pink Floyd recorded their album Dark Dub Side of the Moon. Insert your own marijuana joke here.
Easy Star All-Stars – Time
(Again, official video fail.)
Amoeba and sperm and virii and the other building blocks of life are small. Retardedly small. They’re small in the kind of way that our limited monkeybrains can’t really understand without seeing.
Thankfully, the internet (in this case, courtesy of the University of Utah) lets us see, and therefore grok, all kinds of crazy cool stuff.
Daft Punk chiptune cover album = win.
Daft Punk – Aerodynamic (Je Deviens DJ En 3 Jours Remix)
Released by a collective of French low-fi DJs, this album takes your favourite Daft Punk tracks and gets all 8-bit on them. The Da Chip website has been downed by a cease-and-desist, but you can still score the album other ways.